People keep asking me if I am so excited now that Katie is home--- am I still floating in the clouds?

Yes, I am excited. It has been a long road to get her home. We are so thankful that God has brought her home to our family. But there really hasn't been time or energy to float anywhere.

I read lots of websites, books and resources about bonding, adjustment and adoption, especially older children.  Butt he reality of doing it is totally different. Now it feels like, "What did I read?" I can't remember so much of it.

Imagine right now that you bring basically a stranger into your house and you only have a little bit of ability to communicate. But hey have needs and wants and so do you, but you can't necessarily communication those. Then this stranger is unsure of how long they can stay? do you actually like them? Will you hurt them? Will there be food to eat tomorrow and the next day and the next? They are sometimes very angry and frustrated, other times joyful and happy, sometimes within minutes of each other. When you have a baby (which I did birth our son, Daniel), people bring you meals, offer to help you, give you preferential treatment, etc.  It almost seems like I am supposed to pop back like I have had her in my life since the beginning. But we are both adjusting to her being in the house, dealing with "typical"  2-4 yr old behavior, and then orphanage behaviors, etc. I will tell you that I thought the first few months with Daniel were hard, but this definitely rivals that, if not exceeds it.

Yep, that is our life right now. Totally worth it, but totally exhausting!!!!! I will be honest, Yesterday, I did not feel very much "like" for Katie. After having her run away from me everyth she knew she was in trouble, being swatted at by her more times than I can count (I mena her hitting me), having her try and bite me several times (well, really just put her teeth on me just to show me she could bite me) crying, oh and not to mention the new screaming she started when she is mad. I am sure the neighbors really enjoyed all the noise. Last night it took over 1 1/2 hours to get her to sleep, that did include much screaming laughing (pretty much at me) and oh, not to forget the time she stripped down to nothing.

There are handful of reasons I share all this. One is to update you on how things are going. I am not one to not be honest about it. Second- so you can pray for us- for wisdom and strength. We know it is worth it and she is supposed to be in our family, but it is exhausting. (and if you are thinking rightnow, "well, what did you expect? You wanted this." then you can stop reading.. I am sure there are plenty of things you choose, but were difficult. No one with any decency has said to a woman with a new baby that is worn out, "well, You wanted a baby. you did it to yourself.") Third to bring the challenges of adoption to attention. So often the rough adjustment is not spoken about and that brings feelings of shame to struggling parents.  I have talked to people who have walked rougher roads with adjustment and bonding and you can not imagine the things people think and say and they have no idea really what is going on.

This coming week we will be looking for additional resources to give us more techniques and idea to help us all. Now TODAY has been a good day. I have enjoyed it. There is sunshine after the storm.

Today we got word that we have a travel date to pick up Katie... and our Embassy Appointment is April 2nd. That means I am leaving Monday!!!!! Phew!!!! So i have been busy making travel plans. Will give more details later!

***UPDATE: MY SISTER WANTED ME TO TELL YOU THAT HER SITE IS NOW UPDATED!!!***

 Some friends and my sister are throwing us a shower on March 1st !!! It is so exciting to actually be at this point! If you reading this...and you know me... you are invited.

For those too far away or unable to come, my sister would like you to visit her blog. (hey, even if you don't know me, but visit the blog!) She is collecting messages to be given to me at the shower as a way of celebrating with my long distance friends.  The greatest gift I can ever get is the support and encouragement from those who care about us! I will not be peeking at her blog before the shower.

She probably won't have the new entry up on her blog until Monday afternoon (2/18). So keep checking on her blog to see when she has it up.

www.xanga.com/mamatara

The shower info is also on her site in case you can come...

I kept giggling when I was getting the scanner at Target to scan stuff for the registry. I kept thinking the customer service lady must think I was crazy---because you have to register as a baby registry. I wish Target (and other places like Wal-mart) would acknowledge adoption in these registries!!!

Because now, I am in bed with the flu...sigh.  The doctor gave me that Tamiflu stuff that helps shorten the duration. I hope it works quick!